I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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