Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
