I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
