Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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