Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My ATM looks so different sober.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
