I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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