yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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