you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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