Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
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Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
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You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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