Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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