I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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