I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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