Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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I want her autograph on my taint
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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