oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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