i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
