I just cut my nipple shaving
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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