apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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