people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
