I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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