I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
