You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
