So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
