Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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