The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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