Already got asked if we're dating
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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