Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
