I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I enjoy the company of your penis
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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