he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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