I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
