why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
