her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
