do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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