is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
