Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
