Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
