K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
