The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
