she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
