Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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