That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
