its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
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Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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