Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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