I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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