Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
