Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
