I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
