i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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