I just cut my nipple shaving
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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