Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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