I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My cat gives me a boner
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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