I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
