Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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