Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
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