I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
