If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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