I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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