Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
