There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
