I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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