Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
