I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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