if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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