The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
