I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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