you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
COCAINE IS GR8
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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