you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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