Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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