So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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