Cold hands, warm shart.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
